I haven't spoken much about the secondary effects that I experienced after losing my hearing, namely the loss of sensation and pain down the right side of my face.
When I lost my hearing, I barely noticed that fact that I had a very odd sensation along the side of the face that was affected. This runs from just above my temple to the jaw line. The best way I can explained it is that it feels like I am stroking my face through cotton wool. Now, it tingles when touched but hardly noticed when left alone, but this has not always been the case. Ever had a toothache that feels like it's radiating from every part of your face? From your jaw, into your ear and eye, to the core of brain? That is how I would describe the pain. Over the coming weeks and months, I would begin to fantasize that if I could only take a knitting needle and jam it into my ear, the pain would stop. Searing pain in my right eye, migraines like you wouldn't believe, earache, toothache, even at times travelling down my neck into my arm and culminating with pins and needles in my hand. At some point, I can't remember when, it became too much and I could no longer cope. I went to my GP for help. This might not sound too extreme to most, but I have had a long and not too positive track record with painkillers.
When I was around six years old, I shared a room with my sister and we had bunk beds. Being the elder of the two, I naturally had the top bunk. For those under the age of 30, you may be surprised to hear that health and safety wasn't really a thing in the 80s. There were no guardrails, just a ladder to prevent the top bunk occupant from falling out back in those days. One day I'd found a little neat way of climbing into bed without using the ladder and unhooked it (yes, you could do that) from the bunk and got myself into bed. The next thing I remember, after falling asleep, was screaming as I had fallen out of bed, landing and cracking my back over my toy box which lay open below. Needless to say, I've had problems with my back ever since. I've slipped the same disc twice, the first when I was 24, necessitating the requirement of the opioid pain killer - tramadol.
Prior to being the ace Substance Misuse Worker that I am today 😏, I was completely naïve to how dependency forming opioid drugs were. On the maximum dose for a year, when I came off them I suffered extreme withdrawal symptoms and vowed never to be reliant on painkillers again. So going to the GP, the same GP that had prescribed me tramadol for a year, was a petty big deal. As I've said before, the GP I insist on seeing is actually amazing. She knows my history and knowledge around dependency and drugs in general, she listens to me and my opinions about my own care plan. We talked about medication to help get the pain under control and gabapentionoids were mentioned. Considering I wrote my Masters dissertation on the link between opioid dependency and gabapentiniod dependency, it's fair to say I wasn't too keen. We decided on trying amitriptyline and she left me to titrate the dose myself, with guidance as to how to step up and maximum dosage.
Some people really rely of prescription medication to manage the symptoms of whatever their struggling with. That is absolutely cool, and I wish I was one of those people that could manage their symptoms this way, but I'm just not. Years and years of being on and off painkillers has left me with a higher level of tolerance to painkilling drugs. The amitriptyline had very little effect on managing the pain I was experiencing but did give me a whole load of side effects.
First of all, my libido plummeted to depths that I've never, ever experienced before. Whilst my partner was extremely understanding of this, when you are trying to have a family this is REALLY inconvenient. Then there was major problems with diarrhoea and stomach cramps, insomnia which I just got under control, and being majorly depressed and withdrawn. I dedcided to wean myself of the medication - during the 1st lockdown (crazy or just plain determination? I'm still yet to decide) because they were just causing me too much distress.
This is not a cautionary tale about utilising medication, if they help you, then great and I am truly envious. But for me, the drugs don't work.
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