I had a bit of inspiration for today's post while driving in the car and hearing this song on the radio (to be fair, it could have been any Lizzo song). With International Woman's Day being on Monday, I thought that there is possibly no better time to talk about one of the most important coping mechanisms for anxiety and stressful situations. It's important to say that wherever you sit on the spectrum of gender, everyone should practice what I am about to preach: Self-Care.
Self-care and learning to love yourself are probably two of the most powerful concepts to embrace in the pursuit of being happy. I wasted most of my youth despising my aesthetics and wishing parts of me were different, as many people do in their life. Something happened to me when, after a particularly devastating relationship breakup, I went travelling and learned how to recognise and be happy with my own natural beauty. This is no easy feat, by any stretch of the imagination, but I decided to concentrate and lavish love on my attributes that I like and forget those that I don't.
I begun to grown out my natural curls, the bane of my life as a child, but things have changed a lot since then. There are so many places to get the correct hair products now, from the increase in specialised Afro-Caribbean retailers, to main high street health and beauty shops and major supermarket chains. I have the most insane curls and now their getting to a length were I can do a hair toss, the upkeep of them is a momentous tasks. That said I love being able to wash, separate and style for maximum impact. Alongside the curls, streaks of grey are becoming prominent. I cannot begin to explain how excited I am about this. Grey hair is something I've always seen as incredibly beautiful, but why is it that society only sees it as an attractive feature in men? The Silver Fox. There are far more hair dye products and advertisements (for grey hair, not just for the hell of it) aimed at women than there are for men. My Jamaican grandmother has always had grey hair since I was a small girl and thought she looked so beautiful, I couldn't wait to be old enough to have my hair look like that. I've had comments over the past few years about my grey hairs, and why don't I get them covered? My answer: I can't wait to be completely grey, some people don't live long enough to have that privilege! A Black woman's hair is her crown and mine is going to be made of platinum. Yas Queen!
Wrinkles, again not considered universally an attractive feature, or a privilege everyone gets to experience. I guess for some people it depends on how those wrinkles form; are they crow's feet and laughter lines; or are they the furrow of a brow? In my opinion, they are all fabulous, but I do have to admit I'm lucky with this. There is increased melanin in darker skin which means wrinkles develop at a slower rate. Ever heard the expression Black don't crack? That said, I do have those faint lines appearing and use chemical free-skin products to protect my skin from becoming to dry, something I'm prone to. Which leads me onto my favourite method of self-care - a long hot bubble bath.
Time was I could wallow in a bath for hours and hours. Since the tinnitus took up residence, it's less enjoyable due to not being just able to sit in silence, read a book and enjoy. As running water seems to set my tinnitus off, long hot showers aren't the best either. That said, I do still enjoy soaking my bones, surrounded by bubbles, with a favourite playlist to sing along to.
Which brings me neatly back to how the inspiration for this post began. Yesterday I had an appointment with IAPT which involved regurgitating some very traumatic experiences over the past four years. I'd had the presence of mind to make sure I had booked some time off after the appointment for my own wellbeing and took a drive out to shake off the troubling memories. As I was on my way back, not far from home, this song began to play. Sometimes I forget how much I love music thanks to my damn hearing loss. Even with the hyperacusis, a feeling washed over me that I wanted to play this song as loud as my ear drums would allow, sing from the depths of my soul and be happy. Which is exactly what I did. Best. Therapy. Ever.
Turn it up, sign it loud, and love yourself by feeling as good as hell 💖
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